#i wanted to finish this earlier but i was tired :[
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I'm so sorry for this, it sucks! I'm so busy too I can't even read I WANT TO DIE!!! But you can do this, it seems very tough BUT I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! And this system sucks, they should at least give you more holidays to take all of this in.
AND I'LL BE THERE TO COMMENT WHEN IT'LL BE OVER and take your time to write it don't worry, I understand and so do your other readers (I thought too I could have finished my two fics earlier BUT you know life so *sad face*)
BUT HERE it is cooking something as always, and maybe Arthur doesn't even have that many special powers, he just gets easily tired if he doesn't cuddle or snuggle Merlin, or something, like he can eat and sleep and be active but if he doesn't get his dose of MERLIN SNUGGLES nah he might as well die.
“Would you still love me if I was a worm?” Merlin stared one second at those puppy eyes and just sighs and goes “Yeah, fine, I’m not typically a fan of worms, but if you were one—“ *Arthur runs to squish him in his arms. Arthur is happy☺️*
(thank you, thank you, we’re gay AND SMART the best of two worlds)
Yeah yeah, Merlin being a doctor, Merlin being a biologist, a writer,...
BUT what if Merlin decided for shit and giggle to find a weird thing to study? The kind of thing that when you explain it at family meal there is a blank of confusion because nobody understands what you do/because this is so fucking weird
Now this could go 2 different way
Post return arthur coming out of tha lake and Merlin desperately avoiding what he has been doing the last decade (IMAGINE IF HE GOT A JOB AS A PROFESSOR OF SAID WEIRD STUDIES)
Merlin peacefully walking to get to his class and finding reincarnated Artbur. Poor him trying very hard to avoid the subject of "In What Field He Is"
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2024 Art Summary!
Artist notes/ramblings under the cut
January - March: A lot of the art I did during this time was mostly doodles and sketches that I didn't post anywhere, but during this time I did start planning the test comic project for my story, Startrails!
April: Only art that I posted during this was the art of one of my Startrails characters, Mira.
May: I finished the test comic during this! It was a great practice to do and it gave me a lot of insight on what part of the comic process I should work on so it flows more smoothly for myself. And it was really cool to see my two main characters in a comic format qvq
June: On June, I wanted to do a bigger illustration to practice backgrounds more. And since I was in a Splatoon mood at the time, I went and drew a nice little scene of some inklings and octolings hanging out in the locker room before a match.
July: Artfight month!! I was team Stardust this year, and the art featured in this art summary was a character by @/artisticdragons. I'm honestly proud I drew as much as I did for artfight!
August: Earlier in January, I had started and finished playing Outer WIlds (along with the DLC) and around here was when the brainrot returned tenfold and had be in its clutches. This was one of the many silly doodles I did for the game
September: Major outer wilds spoilers for this art! But this here was the comic I spent a little over a month working on. A comic inspired by an Undertale quote that I felt really encapsulates Hatchling's journey. I also posted this on Twitter and it got noticed by both Mobius Digital and got a comment by Andrew Prahlow and I'm still losing my mind over that qwq
October: Outer Wilds DLC spoilers here! I drew a lot for October bc during this, I was participating in an Outer Wilds Inktober event ^^ This art was something I did as a little bit of a break from the inktober stuff. But also bc the DLC gave me a lot of feelings and I had to draw them out
November - December: During this time, the Outer Wilds server I joined created our own Nomai clan so I spent.. So Much time drawing mostly Nomai ocs djdfg. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed being able to be silly with my art and participate in this group endeavor!
Overall, I'm proud of how much I was able to draw this year despite juggling a full time job that would usually leave me too drained and tired to draw. Some days it's still difficult to keep drawing but joining a group of creatives really inspired me to create for fun.
I'm hoping to continue creating art next year, maybe make more fanart of stuff I love. And absolutely hoping to draw more oc stuff, especially of my story, Startrails! :)
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❝𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗜 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗖𝗛𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗠𝗔𝗦 ❞
summary: Satoru's your Christmas gift !?
Cw: subbttm! Satoru , Satoru x m! Reader , bondage , ass slapping (like once) , butt stuff , slight (?) breeding kink , alternate universe (duhhhh)
i also wanna apologize cause at the moment this isn't completely finished , but I wanted to release it before Christmas is completely over 💔
wc: will update eventually (not proofread plus I'm tired so it might suck serious buns
My goat <3 I miss him this isn't funny
It was Christmas Eve , and Satoru held a Christmas party for all the students at Tokyo Jujutsu High ! After all they didn't really have anywhere to go , so why not spend the holiday together !?
Your boyfriend went all out , making sure everyone was having a good time and got gifts they'd love. Especially you.
All the students went back to their dorms , and you were helping him clean up. But , when you were cleaning up you found a present hidden behind the tree.
"Toru ! Did you forget to give one of them a gift ?"
"what ? Oh no , that's yours !" Satoru says excitedly , setting down whatever it was he was holding.
“aww . . . Can I open it right now ?” You ask , a small smile on your face.
“sure !” He exclaims , sitting down on the floor next to you.
You take the bow off first before tearing apart the wrapping paper. It wasn't a big box , and was actually kinda small. Underneath the wrapping paper was a white box with a small amount of tape keeping it closed. Using your finger nail , you break the tape that is over the end of edge of the box. Finally you're able to see it's contents.
A very long piece of ribbon and a bottle of lube.
“surprisee !!” Satoru exclaims , a bright grin on his face , " ‘m your Christmas present !"
“ you're s'posed to unwrap presents 'toru ,” you say with a chuckle , leaning forward to give him a kiss.
“It's the thought that counts . . .” He retorts , resting a hand on your waist. Your fingers bury themselves into his messy white hair , tilting his head to get a better angle that will deepen the kiss.
Pale hands reach beneath your pj's , groping your ass before sliding them off completely.
“Toru . . . Dontcha wanna go to the bed ?” You ask between kisses , practically breathing into his mouth.
“presents go under the tree , m/n ,” Your boyfriend giggles , eyes hazy with adoration and desperation. The statement makes you giggle as well , as you slip off the top his silk pj's , the ones you got him for his birthday a couple weeks back.
“is it tight enough ? Or does it need to be loosened ,” you ask softly , leaning over his shoulder.
“it's good , nice n’ tight ,” he replies , a hint of excitement in his voice. You finally tie the ends of it into a bow , taking a moment to appreciate your work. And Satoru's body.
The muscles in his back flex because of how his arms are bound behind his back , and so are his arms themselves. It was a beautiful sight.
Satoru turns around to look at you , scooting a bit closer to you.
“so handsome . . .” you murmur , running your hands along his body , resting at the elastic of his pj pants. You pull him a bit closer , kissing his body all over. He smells sweet , faintly of cologne – but mostly like his shampoo.
Hands trail down and slip his pants off , feeling his bare skin against yours .
“no underwear ? Is that why you had the blanket over you earlier . . .” you tease , sliding your hands down his thighs as you slip them down to his ankles.
Satoru blushes , leaning back on his hands as your hands run down his thighs , casually ignore his fully erect cock.
You spread his legs , resting your thighs against his own as you pull down your pjs pants and boxers , just enough for your dick to spring out. You grab the bottle of lube , squirting some on your fingers.
You run your hand up and down your shaft , shivering at the cold sensation of it on your skin; using the rest of it to stretch him out.
“J'st fuck me already ,” Satoru huffs , almost in a whiney manner.
“so impatient 'toru !” You chuckle , reaching up from the floor to grab a pillow from the couch , placing it behind him before gently pushing him to lay down.
You push the tip in , watching as his hole sucks you in so eagerly. He's so warm and tight you can't help the moan that leaves your throat. Slowly , you push into him , feeling how he tightens around you.
Satoru squirms around , obviously wanting to hold something. His mouth opens but not a sound comes out.
“s’ tight–” you moan , finally bottoming out , your hips meeting his own. His back arched as you hit his prostate , your dick soaking in the bundle of nerves.
"oh God– fuck , oh !" He gasps , brows furrowing as he struggles to stay still. Practically kicking his legs around.
You pull out a lil , then thrust into him just as deep as you did the first time. After a but more of this he felt like he was gonna go dumb from how good he felt.
"gonna cum . . . Wan' me to pull–"
"in ! Stay in , please stay in ," Satoru begs , trying to wrap his legs around you but God he's so sore already :(
It's ok though , cause it doesn't take long for you to fill him with your seed , watching as some of it leaks out of his ass.
But , he still hasn't come , which is shocking cause it tends to not take very long for him , especially when he's this horny.
You pull off him for a moment to flip him on his tummy , holding him by the very same ribbon that keeps his arms behind his back.
"hah– m/n . . . What happened t' stayin' in ?" Satoru asks in a way that almost sounds pathetic.
"I know I know . . . I am ," you reassure him , giving one of his cheeks a firm slap making him yelp. You spread the same cheek , putting your cock (which is almost full hard again already) back in his hole; fucking your cum back into him.
He takes you in so well , and always make the best sounds , especially when he gets close.
Satoru's cheeks are turning pink from how hard your hips are hitting his ass but you can't help it when it's so plump and is begging to be full of your cum.
"s ' good Toru . . . Fuck !
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twisha’s merry christmas event! late night hot chocolate with suna rintarou *ੈ🎄✩‧₊
suna x fem!reader, post-timeskip, hurt/comfort! one day, when suna's walking home from his late-night practice, he sees your apartment light still on. when he gets there, he finds you a little overwhelmed from the hectic season. hot chocolate and late-night deep talks go hand in hand, or so suna says.
in typical december fashion, the days were getting colder, shorter and christmas was around the corner—so naturally, things were getting busier as well. suna’s final practice of the year ended a little ove 15 minutes ago; he was now walking home in the cold, wintery air. checking his phone, suna made a mental note of the time. god, he hadn’t seen you in ages. your schedules hadn’t been lining up for the past few weeks, and so you’d only seen each other for the occasional, hastily planned lunch date that definitely didn’t pay justice to your relationship.
The route he took very conveniently passed your apartment. the middle blocker looked up at your apartment building. suddenly, your room’s window caught his attention; he peered up at it—why were the lights still on? it was well past midnight, usually you were asleep by then.
then it hit him. suna knew you very well. he knew that when you get slumped in work, you stay up to try and finish it. he knew that your job overwhelmed you sometimes, especially when it was nearing the end of the year.
he was the only one in the street, but the swift turn he took made him feel a little self-conscious. unconsciously, suna picked up his walking pace a little, fuelled by the thought of seeing you again, and also by his concern for you—he couldn’t stand seeing his girlfriend upset! and, if he had guessed wrong, well—at least he’d get to see your face after a gruelling practice.
—
the papers strewn all over your desk were testament to the amount of work you had left to do. the clock had already struck midnight, your eyes had grown tired hours ago. christmas was always busy for you, but for some reason this year felt the worst yet. on top of that, you were running low on sleep because of some party the people living on the floor below you decided to host. honestly, all you wanted to do was sleep. and see your boyfriend—you hadn’t seen him properly in months.
with a deep exhale, the substantial amount of work and pressure overwhelmed you—you felt a sting in your eyes, and a wetness down your cheek. for some reason, the clock’s monotonous ticking seemed to quicken, silently mocking your sorry state.
—
as if the gods had heard your cries, you heard a gentle knock on the door. it was suna. you were confused, but a wave of reassurance washed over you from just seeing him again. there were tears beginning to form in your eyes, but you held them back as best you could.
“hey rin, how come you’re here? did practice finish late?” you said, seeing as he was carrying his gym bag.
suna laughed a little. “yeah, it finished later today. just thought I’d say hi to my amazing, beautiful, girlfriend—is there anything wrong with that?”
now it was your turn to giggle. somehow, suna could always sense your mood, and make you laugh; it was one of the many things you loved about him.
once you two sat down, suna brought up what he originally came for.
“hey, you good? you’re usually not up this late unless you’re like, having an existential crisis or something,” he sounded light-hearted, but you could tell from his eyes that he was worried, that he really cared for you.
something clicked in you—his words resonated and the tears from earlier started to fall down your cheeks. suna placed a comforting hand on your back, gently moving it up and down.
his voice was breathy, almost like a whisper. “hey, hey, it’s alright; everything’s going to be alright,” you just curled up into his side.
“I don’t know, there’s just so much work, and not enough time,” your voice came out muffled by his jumper. “and I just feel like, seasonal depression, you know?” suna chuckled at your choice of words.
“I get it,” he said, ruffling your hair a little.
—
outside, the snow started falling. this year, there was supposed to be snow pretty much every day leading up to christmas—which gave suna an idea.
“hey, should we make some hot chocolate?”
you sat up, a little confused. “hot chocolate? now?”
suna nodded eagerly. “yeah, now—don’t you know hot chocolate and late-night deep talks go hand in hand?”
“uhhhh, no? nobody says that?”
“well, my hot chocolate skills are unmatched, and I need to flex. we’re making hot chocolate.” he started making his way to the kitchen. being left no choice, you followed him.
—
the hot chocolate did well to calm your nerves, and suna was right, his hot chocolate skills were ‘unmatched’.
you two snuggled up on the sofa, when suna took your hand and squeezed it a little
“if you.. you know, want to say anything more, you can,” he said, looking away. you could still tell from his averted gaze that his cheeks were pink. stretching over, you gave him a peck on the cheek.
“just you being here is enough, rin,” you beamed at him, causing suna to smile back, albeit blushing. “now, let’s watch home alone.” you turned to grab the remote.
“let’s.” suna replied. “but the second one, I’ve watched the first one too many times with the twins,”
you laughed.
suna always had some way of brightening your mood, and you were grateful for it. the ticking of the clock from earlier had grown so quiet, it was basically silence to you. all the christmas lights from outside flooded the room as a dim, ambient light. you turned to look at suna, focused on the movie.
what would you do without him? you wondered.
taglist @cherrysurf @catientie @d0milol
⋆⁺₊❅ and lastly, here's a link to the taglists! merry christmas~‧₊˚🎄✩ ₊˚🦌⊹♡
#twisha’s merry christmas event!#suna x reader#haikyuu suna#suna rintaro haikyuu#suna rintarou x reader#hq suna
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Care Now and Forever (Starting Now)
Part 2 of Care Now and Forever
Requested Here!
Pairing: David 'Deacon' Kay x fem!reader
Summary: You faint and Deacon takes care of you. As you wonder how he manages to be exactly where you need him to be, Deacon plans to start forever with you.
Warnings: r faints, depictions of anemia/iron deficiency, brief mention of blood, fluff and comfort galore
Word Count: 1.0k+ words
Masterlist Directory | Deacon Kay Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List
Yawning again, you glance at the clock and frown. It’s not even lunchtime, but you’re so fatigued you are having trouble staying upright. You stand to refill your water, then lower your hand back to your seat as you grow dizzy. Since the last time you passed out around Deacon, you’ve been better about ensuring your iron levels stay consistent and you are hydrated, but you’re having an off day.
In the kitchen, you get another glass of water and a snack, hoping it will help you feel better and get you through the rest of the day. You check your phone after receiving a text from Deacon promising homemade dinner when he gets off tonight. Before you can reply, your phone rings with an incoming call.
“Hi, Deacon,” you greet. “I was just texting you.”
“Should I hang up and let you finish?” he jokes.
“I suppose I could just tell you. Dinner sounds great.”
“Good. How are you feeling? You sound tired.”
Deacon has a sixth sense about you and your health, so you’re not surprised he can tell that simply from your voice.
“I am, but other than that, I’m all good. How’s work?”
“Slow. Which… Let me call you back? Hicks is calling us over.”
“Sure. I love you.”
“I love you,” Deacon replies before ending the call.
You return to the couch and sit carefully, sipping your water and eating your snack in measured bites. A metallic, coppery taste invades your senses, and your stomach flips as if you ingested blood. After another drink of water, your phone chimes, but you feel off-balance and don’t reach for it, opting to take deep breaths to remain conscious.
A key slides into the lock on your front door several minutes after your head clears, and you furrow your brows as you stand. Deacon steps inside with a bright smile, and you take several hurried steps forward to greet him with a hug. Just before you reach him, you stop and blink once before your legs buckle.
Deacon watches your eyes as he extends his arms. He catches you without a problem and carries you carefully to the couch. Watching your chest rise and fall, Deacon wonders what happened. You were fine earlier; you sounded tired, a symptom of iron deficiency, but you’ve been eating well, staying hydrated, and keeping him updated, so he’s confused about the sudden fainting.
“Hey, you with me?” Deacon asks, gently tapping your cheek.
You hum and squeeze your eyes closed tighter. “Did I faint?”
“Better question is why did you faint?” he counters. “Have you eaten today?”
“Yeah, I ate and drank water. Right before you got here, I got this weird blood taste in my mouth.”
“I’ll make an appointment with your doctor if you want. For now, what do you need?”
You open your eyes, smile, and look pointedly at Deacon's muscular arm resting beside you. He sighs, still smiling, and moves onto the couch to tug you against his chest. Your water and snacks are still within reach, and you take several bites while your senses return.
“Feeling better yet?” Deacon asks.
“I think you’re the magic cure,” you answer with a nod. “Maybe you should just quit your job and stay with me all of the time.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier you weren’t feeling great?”
“I thought it would pass, it wasn’t like the last time, just some dizziness and the weird taste.”
“But you’re not actually bleeding?”
“Not that I know of.”
Deacon brushes his hand over your hair and kisses your forehead.
“What do you think happened?”
“Maybe you just missed me so desperately that your body reacted dramatically,” Deacon teases. “Alternatively, you might be slightly anemic or stressed; there are lots of possibilities.”
“You always seem to show up right before something happens,” you muse.
Deacon smiles but doesn’t comment on his ability to be in the right place at the right time when it comes to you. “Do you want me to order dinner?”
“We can cook,” you offer. “I’m feeling much better.”
“Sweetheart,” Deacon sighs. “Don’t jump back into doing too much too fast.”
You nod and grip Deacon’s wrist as you grow dizzy again. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I’ll order the food, you sit here, look pretty, and stay conscious, okay?”
“I can do two of the three, but you have to pick which.”
“Faint and you become a comedian,” Deacon grumbles with faux grumpiness. “Any requests for dinner?”
“You can pick,” you reply. “And, Deacon? Thank you.”
“For?”
“Taking care of me, being here, everything.”
“The care is a given, now and forever, because I love you. I really wish you’d start telling me when you feel off, but I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Your phone buzzes as Deacon makes a call to your favorite restaurant. Unwilling to risk leaning forward, you leave it on the table and watch Deacon. Every little thing he does communicates his care for you, and you’ve known from the beginning that he shows his care in remarkable ways because he loves like you’ve never been loved before.
“Food will be here in thirty minutes,” Deacon says as he returns. “What else do you need?”
“You really want to take care of me?” Deacon smiles because he obviously does, and you ask, “Sit with me?”
Deacon takes the place beside you and welcomes you under his arm. Leaning against his shoulder, you look into Deacon’s eyes and thank him again.
“Will you go to the doctor with me? It’s not fair to either of us that this keeps happening.”
“Anytime,” Deacon assures. “What did you do today?”
“Not much. I got some work done this afternoon but started feeling bad around lunch. You’ll be glad to know I took your advice and rested, drank water, and had some food rather than pushing through.”
“I am glad to know that. However, you keep forgetting the most important advice which is to call me.”
“I think you’re secretly Spider-Man and your senses tingle, so you know to come home anyway.”
Deacon smiles at your phrasing. He doesn’t care that you just compared him to a superhero, but you called your house a collective home, and Deacon thinks the idea of a shared future with you sounds perfect. His promise to care for you forever is just the beginning, and now he wants to start forever with you.
#david deacon kay x reader#david kay x reader#david deacon kay#deacon kay fluff#deacon kay x reader#deacon kay#swat imagine#swat fic#swat x reader#swat cbs#fem!reader#requests#hanna writes✯
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Bye bye Sebek, :]
(he didn’t stand a chance, poor guy :[ )
#twisted wonderland#twst#sebek zigvolt#ace trappola#deuce spade#jack howl#epel felmier#art#ram's art#i am fully aware i am late to actually . noticing the poll-#i wanted to finish this earlier but i was tired :[#anyways i'm just glad i got this done whilst sebek's birthday is still being celebrated in the game - it's comedic timing#'happy birthday! bye! :]]]]] '#oh yea i did vote ace btw - the second i made the poll i immediately smashed that button :]#i have a 'bully ace' instinct embedded in my soul what can i say-#also shout out to this being my first time drawing all these characters except for jack- ... which.#now that i think about it i dont think i posted that whole drawing thing.. huh-#welp too late now :']
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a serious piece, and a nonsensical doodle.
The second one is a reference to this video.
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake fanart#adventure time#adventure time fanart#simon petrikov#ice prince#ice king#winter king#the winter king#fionna and cake spoilers#jorts#brian david gilbert#bdg#do i know how to render? not really not#lmao#i got sick this week#im so tired#the first one i wanted to post earlier with the sailor fionna one but yeah i didnt finish it until now#stuff i made
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MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE
#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei#im using a translator and it keeps outputting 您 instead of 你 and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward#AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB#also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore#like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished#i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line#this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired#hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body#me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right#but all that came out was: in the past it was….problematic… *20 yr silence*#before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues#and i was just like ya….i know 😭#its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb#its probably both im ngl#the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean#and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey#using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out#also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack#now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time#three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time
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Whoops, I forgot to share the Dungeon Meshi merch I got in Tokyo last month. Which wasn't much tbh. Since I was with family, I couldn't be like "Hey, let's go into this anime store spanning 8 floors!" And the sole time I visited Akihabara, the only shop still open was Don Quijote…However! I went to the Tsutaya in Shibuya, the one that re-opened recently across from the station. And at the very top, they had a small pop-up of Dungeon Meshi merch.
I bought a badge and what I assumed was an acrylic stand, but it's more like a big keychain? I was planning to go back to get something for a friend, and maybe the towel, but I ran out of time… Also, apparently they were giving away postcards if you spent 2,000 yen too? I didn't know that! I would have spent more otherwise 😔
I also found a couple of Dungeon Meshi gachapon machines in Magnet, the mall across from Tsutaya. The only ones I saw, in fact. Not that I checked every capsule centre I came across…
I wish I could have obtained all the mushroom ones, but the machine had maybe 2 capsules left, and I was out of coins. However, I did manage to get Senshi too. He's already attached to my backpack 😊
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#senshi#marcille donato#walking mushroom#laois touden#chilchuck#tsutaya#i have so many keychains attached to my backpack. or rather attached to one keychain attached to my backpack...#this was like 3 weeks ago now. so i have no idea if the tsutaya stuff is still being sold...#really wish i went back! it was just my sister leaving a day earlier than the rest of us#and she wanted to spend some time around asakusa where we were staying before heading back to harajuku (which is close to shibuya)#then she faffed around too long and ended up abandoning her plans to finish packing#so i ended up going to the skytree instead since it was closer and we still had to have dinner before she left#after that it was like it takes half an hour to get to shibuya. half an hour to get back. and i was so tired...#hmm...
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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#well I just submitted my essay for my history class so I'm finally done with finals#I wish I felt happier or relieved or something but I don't. I feel awful. my body hurts from the incredible amount of tension/anxiety I had#trying to finish it before 11:59. I submitted it at 11:55. I have never come that close before and I hate it#the amount of anxiety I had you'd think the deadline was hunting me for sport#and what's worse is I felt all this anxiety and put all this work into it and I'm not even happy about it#I spent two days trying to figure out what he wanted us to write about because apparently he just seems to be really bad at instructions#like I thought maybe it was just me overthinking but I spent two hours talking to my mom about it and in the end even she couldn't figure i#so then I had only two days to gather notes make an outline write an essay. while burnt out and barely able to focus.#and while not knowing exactly what I was doing like is this what he wants. is it not. who knows I literally don't have time left#to figure it out I just need to write something and hope it works#but I hate being unsure it makes everything harder#especially because I really wanted to make a good grade. this was the class where I made a 78 on my midterm#which brought my class grade to a B but I'd been able to get it back to an A and I'd be able to keep it if I got like an 80ish on the final#the essay turned out okay idk if it's what he wanted but whatever at least I got the other requirements like word count and sources#but the CITATIONS...we had to use chicago which I'd never used before and let me just say. mla is the love of my life after this.#actually chicago might not be that bad if I got used to it I think my violence should be directed toward every word processor#that links footnotes. it is so STUPID that there isn't an easier way to make them different#if it hadn't been for trying to figure out footnotes on google docs I could've submitted it like ten minutes earlier#and with phenomenally less stress#I eventually had to make a choice as to what I'd give up: (1) submitting it on time (2) perfect citations or (3) word doc#which is what he wanted it submitted as#except when I tried that thank goodness I looked at the preview before I submitted it because I saw that it'd messed up the citations#I ended up submitting it as a pdf. on time. with perfect (maybe) (I didn't have time to double check) citations. but not as a word doc.#is it the end of the world? idk probably not but not meeting a professor's requirements is like. anathema.#all of that is to say that I'm going to cry and then let it go and get to bed and just. idk. I've reached that point where#I'm so tired and numb that it feels like I'll never feel better#anyway#maybe I hurt because of my meds and the side effects decided to kick in now because the grace of God held them back long enough#for me to finish#earl crow ramblings
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ok. what is so special about this new farming sim. what makes it not Just Another Farming Sim
#im just tired at this point . like is there something unique about it or#i wish rf5 was good unfortunately its kind of sucks. i still might finish it eventually tho#but ill probably just play rf4. i like that those ones have like. monsters. & combat#there was some spooky fantasy lookin one i found a little while ago. kind of cutesy halloween vibes it looked like. idr if i bought it#i dont know anything abt this new one everyone is talking abt maybe ill look into it more#but from the brief search i did earlier it kind of didnt really draw me in#also i definitely thought the blacksmith(? i think. red hair) was a girl & i was kinda disappointed to find out i was wrong .#i think its bc he reminded me of nami from hm/sos a wonderful life lmAO the hair & expression...#actually i kind of want to get sos:awl now (i wont bc i cant actually afford it but i want to)#another wonderful life was the first harvest moon game i played so id like to see how the new one compares
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Oh no. I want to DO THINGS. I have. GOALS. Horrible timing. I have. Aspirations. And they will be short-lived. Hopefully.
#i want to make things and create and make a fun more suitable body#oh god#the pumpkin head wasnt enough#i need to remove the bodies face#sigh. curses are not being allowed to wear full face masks at school. only normal masks#atleast people can only see my eyes#wretched body.....#the curses are telling me to make a mask but we have no time / ☀️#im thinking of making a bunch of them design a mask and I'll make a smaller version of it#as a plan sort of!#/☀️ still#ah#earlier 💫 and 🍞 were going to finish this post#but here i am#they're still here! body is just tired and brain is fast but in every direction#sorry if this seems weird! confusing#hard to explain this all and thus is mostly for future stuff#save#ah... we sleep now
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ok i need to get my group to finish the project and edit my thesis and that’s it!!!!!!!technically i have until july 8th to edit but maybe i could get it done before saturday???? but then i’d have to have it finished my friday early afternoon hmmmm
#bc my promotor leaves on saturday and he will be gone for a week#which isn’t a problem like i don’t have to finish it before#but im so tired of this lol i want to have it done#and then maybe i could have my defense earlier#📓
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just crocheted for like eight hours straight
#I was making a dinosaur and.#usually for a project of this size I’d do it over a couple days#but I got halfway through the body and didn’t want to stop#also earlier in class I noticed a weird cut on my hand#that I had no memory of getting#I noticed while crocheting that the ‘cut’ is in the exact shape the yarn rubs against my finger#so mystery solved :v#man I was in a trance or something wtf#I was getting pretty tired by the time I finished the body but now the exhaustion is really hitting me#hopefully I don’t do this again because I wrecked my already bad sleep schedule#and probably fucked up my arms and neck and back
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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